Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
operation have a gay friend backfired
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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