i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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