I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
