What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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