my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
