I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
