Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
