As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
