how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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