summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
