i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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