Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize