My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
