If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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