I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
