Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
