i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
