i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
This toilet bowl is my home.
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