I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
