If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
