i don't like sucking hair
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
