guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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