sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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