Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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