you traded sex for a burrito?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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