as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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