Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
