i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
