my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
