And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
