my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i drank out of a bidet.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
