I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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