my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
