People in love make me want to vomit
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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