Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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