If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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