i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
