I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
