so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
