I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
