the condom got lost in my hair
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
