i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
