How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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