I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
