Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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