It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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