She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
