i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
