you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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