ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
