:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
