she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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