so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize