Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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