He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
