He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
