Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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