You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
