6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
