I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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