good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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