mondays should just be called national damage control day
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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