The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
