I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
