I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
