I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize