She's JV to your varsity
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
