Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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