You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
