Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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