WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
