So drunk its hurt
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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