every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
