I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
