Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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