i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
