Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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